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Back in the Writing Saddle

August 9, 2010

I am back in the saddle to speak. I have been taking a blogging break for the last 3 months..

Much has gone on. There have been some radical changes in my life and that of my tween daughter.

Some who follow me know I got ill and went bankrupt all in the same month. I will say this having 2 battles on your plate well is energy draining so it was time for this mom to take some time for me and well get my head,heart and body working together. I went into cocoon mode for the most part.I think every mom may need cocoon mode once is a while. For me I think there were many emotions tied up deep inside me. My body, heart and mind needed down time: recovery time. There were battles inside my head that needed to be won. I think that when it comes time to actually declare bankruptcy there is this guilt that goes with it. I think the stress came out in my body. I know there were voices in my head saying “How could you not of done better”. The lies one mind can perpetuate!

For me there was nothing really of done any different: I had felt this weight for many years too long. Since my days of owning 11 homes and a ranch with my now exhusband, I have often felt why did I walk away from wealth and into a world of debt and struggle. I had to battle my own head and realize the strength I did and do have as woman, mom and friend.Have any of you ever thought this is simply not good enough?

It is a tape that played in the back ground of my mind for way to long.

There is no sin in messing up. Can I say that again? There is no sin in messing up. It is what you do after the fact that matters most. What are you going to do with your life right now in this moment that makes you smile. What can you do?

So what am I doing:

  • For me I had to make some radical moves this included a move back to Toronto my hometown. This was a practical choice for me as I want to access the best Aspergers care for my tween and network with other parents of Aspie kids.
  • As for my bankruptcy I am keeping a budget journal. In less than a year I hope to be free and clear, and really given that second chance.
  • I am taking time every day to pray more than once and connect with God..for me I need that peace that simply comes from falling on my knees in prayer.
  • I am writing a private journal of gratitude that I keep each night.
  • I am looking for way to help in my community as I find when you help someone else up your problems always seem to diminish in size.
  • I am coming back to writing. I will be posting regularly as writing is something I love to do.

When life hits those bumps what do you do?

For me I am doing some reinventing and some strengthening both are good things. If any of this hits home perhaps we can encourage each other.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 11, 2010 6:13 pm

    I followed your blog for a while before you took a break. I am glad to see you are writing again. I always enjoyed reading your posts.

  2. Anisahh permalink
    August 29, 2010 12:33 pm

    Life is really really hard… I have messed up in the past too..mostly just cause of the broken heart. I think God makes us all hit rock bottom so that we can see what is really important in life.
    Being a single mom is the hardest thing.
    We just gotta pick up, brush it off and look ahead.
    I also know when we go into this bubble or cocoon, like you said, We tend to keep to ourselves instead of reaching out and getting help. There are soooo many resources in Canada, and we really should take advantage of them.
    For me when things got really bad,, I called a help line ( cause really I was getting deeper and deeper in that cocoon, and really scared )and that got me in touch with a social worker and now I have the help I need to get through the hard parts.

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